Jacoreb - The Gifted

by Matthew Coxon

The waves slowly lapped at his feet. He didn't like it much but apparently it was a sign of affection. He had taken to dangling his feet out of the boat 2 weeks ago. It had seemed novel at the time.

Jacoreb was 12. He thought his birthday was some point last month but with no one around he didn't see much point in it. Actually, he knew his birthday was last month. You see Jacoreb knew lots of things. Well that isn't entirely true. Jacoreb knows everything.

When young Jacoreb was born his aunt Hega had him blessed. It had become the latest fashion in childcare.

She had recruited the best young hag in the kingdom, Seltruina, who also happened to be rather beautiful as well. Aunt Hega never did anything by halves. She never did anything by wholes either. It is arguable she never did anything at all, well anything that was of any real worth.

The ceremony was simple. The fireworks weren't really necessary but nevertheless Seltruina got on with the job in hand. Seltruina had been instructed to bless young Jacoreb with all the knowledge known to man. Seltruina was good. Everyone knew that. But on this occasion she was too good. It was only whilst having a celebratory drink in the 'How Yours Uncle' down by the harbour that it had crossed her mind that maybe all the knowledge in the world wasn't quite equivalent to that known by man. 'Oh well' she sighed, and downed her pint of Georgies best.

Despite his knowledge Jacoreb was eleven when he was enrolled at University. He had been offered to the University at birth but they had refused to accept him until he could look after himself. None of them were really sure what age this was so they decided that if he could walk without falling over his own feet that it would suffice.

It seemed to Jacoreb that University was about big men reading big books. This was of course not completely true. There were some thin men. They were the young enthusiastic ones. Unlike most of the students Jacoreb had no admiration for them. He knew it wouldn't last. There were also small men. They were the administrative types. They liked the control over all the big men. Jacoreb knew that if anything had to be done the University would appoint a small man to do it. It actually tended to be the small man who appointed himself but this was often overlooked by the big men. They had no intention of making them feel as if they may be winning in some way. Oh, and there were some women too but that sort of thing didn't interest Jacoreb.

Instead he would often spend his days perusing the books of the library. He liked books. They had a sort of innocence to them. Most of the universities books were very ambitious. They wanted to escape the words and run freely in the open air with the wind rustling between their leaves. They were often jealous of the bookcases. They were more together. There were lots of them to be jealous of as well. Jacoreb would often take to wandering through the maze-like orientation of the shelves to eleviate his boredom. Many at the University had wondered what the librarians were on when they organised it. Even the librarians weren't too sure. Jacoreb knew.

Apparently studying wasn't just about reading books. There were lectures too. Somewhere. Before arriving he had been enrolled on several of these courses, though none of them really interested him. Pointing out the obvious didn't seem like much of a past time, although he knew many people spent their whole life doing it. Jacoreb didn't really understand it. He understood it more than pointing out the non-obvious. People like that generally tended to be wrong. There was some excitement though, if you could call it that (He knew you couldn't really but even he began to kid himself to get by).

Every second Tuesday he would get called into to see the Dean and all the Professors. The Dean was big and had a bad perm like Aunt Hega. Jacoreb didn't like him either. He would ask very long questions that seemed to really be statements. It had dawned on Jacoreb later that maybe he was seeking some form of conformation. He wasn't too sure if he had given it. He had said "hmmm" lots and nodded quite a bit.

The Professors on the other hand said very little. For some reason they all seemed to don spectacles for the occasion. Jacoreb thought that maybe a second hand spectacle seller sneaked round every Tuesday morning as he had seen these people every day and they always seemed to have perfect vision. Maybe they felt guilty and bought pairs to eleviate it. Then wore them. On Tuesdays. Near him. These kind of thoughts never lasted as he knew the truth. It kept him amused. Mildly.

They would sit at the sides of the room and look intensely at him (through their glasses). Every now and then one of them would prod him with a stick. He was an elderly gentleman and a lot smaller than the others. Jacoreb admired him as he spent many hours fantasising about being elsewhere with lots of young girls. He thought this was perhaps the best place for him, though personally he felt the girls could maybe be replaced with something more practical.

The University had believed that they would find out the answers to everything from this little boy. But, like all very clever people Jacoreb had skipped over all the little details in every reply he gave. They were so trivial as to not be worth mentioning. Well that's what Jacoreb thought. He knew the answers to everything he had been asked. He also knew lots of other things they might have wanted to know. He knew that the Dean would have his fingers removed by a student of philosophy who was also a part-time assassin and make-up artist. But then his hand shouldn't really have been there in the first place.

However, he did feel inclined to explain the answer to one question they asked of him. "So how will the worlds end!" they had implored. Jacoreb told them that he knew but because of the necessity of experience he would only be able to tell them exactly once it had happened. You see Jacoreb knew that it was all very well knowing what was going to happen but that you didn't really get the flavour of it until you had experienced it first hand. When asked to at least give a vague approximation he pointed out that soothsayers, philosophers and men with blackboards had all pretty much got the gist of it already.

The University had felt mildly cheated. Hence, at a meeting of the whole university (it was a very big hall) it was decided that Jacoreb should be sent on a voyage if experience was what he needed.

And so it was that three weeks before his twelfth birthday Jacoreb was packed into a boat with all his belongings and pushed out into the great blue yonder accompanied by a very large sigh from the university. It was so relieved in fact that everyone had to have packed lunches for a week as the great hall decided it deserved a holiday. No one had been that frustrated since Miss Coombes got a transfer to Port Yarock.

Jacoreb knew that no one liked a know it all but he'd never really been that worried. He knew he didn't like anyone else much anyway.

II

As he stared out to sea Jacoreb thought that it was on occasions like this that he was thankful for his knowledge. A port was about to hone into view, and he knew it. Duly he had eaten all his food and drunk all his water ten seconds earlier. There seemed no point in rationing. Dreddith, thought Jacoreb, a pleasant little town with friendly locals and friendlier foreigners.

Jacoreb was mugged three times in the space of his first ten minutes in Dreddith. It was at times like this he often wondered whether knowledge had a sell by date. For some reason he wasn't too sure. It hadn't worried him though as not only did he know how to defend himself but he knew everything there was to know about persuasion. Other people's money gently jingled in his pockets as he strode through the cobbled streets. Night was approaching so Jacoreb headed straight for the Laster Tavern. They had a room free with a double bed and nice views of the sea. It would do.

On the road into town he encountered many priests and monks. They tended to walk on opposite sides of the road to each other so he would often swap sides for a little bit of variety. It really was only a little. The temples in Dreddith were all very ornate. They were often dressed up in leather and pink fur trimmed with gold. Drittle the scribe once wrote that they were like "your most unfashionable auntie trying to lap dance in a fishpond". He didn't exactly have a way with words but Jacoreb thought he wasn't actually too wide of the mark Aunt Hega's autumn barbecues had always been an occasion to avoid.

As he entered through the saloon doors he cheered the smash of glasses from behind the bar. It was customary to do so on such occasions. However, his entrance did not go unnoticed as he had absent mindedly entered two seconds too early. Thankfully time caught up with him and icicles of glass shot between peoples feet. Everyone quickly forgot the jolly little boy who had just entered.

Expertly tiptoeing through the numerous shards Jacoreb arrived at the bar. Brettina was serving at the bar tonight. She was beautiful. He knew that. She was very very beautiful. He hadn't realised that before but he was sure he must have known it. She had a nice smile to. Like rainbows or something. Hmmmm thought Jacoreb.

"May I help you?" she softly asked. Jacoreb suddenly became very shy. He even felt quite embarrassed. His eyes began to search the room for something more practical. A bottle opener. "I said may I help you?". Rainbows shot through doors and out of windows. Aaah, he thought, taps. "I'll just get you some water shall I". He didn't realise he'd said that bit. "Er...yes please...thank you". She was 14. It wasn't uncommon in these parts. Most people worked at 15. She had lied about her age. The manager didn't mind. Neither did the locals. She was beautiful.

Jacoreb liked the way she polished her glasses. She was very good at pouring drinks too. Very lively, very imaginative, very entertaining. Masterpieces, every one of them. "Will that be another water then". Chip fryer, " yes...please...thank you". Even the water tasted good. " Will you be wanting a room by any chance? We have one free with a double bed and views of the surrounding coast line.". "Oh...yes...I know". Brettina went off to prepare the room for him. She had assumed that his response meant he'd take it. She was very intuitive when she needed to be.

Soon the last few lecherous locals left and tried to exchange knowing winks with Jacoreb. He was unfortunately pre-occupied with thoughts of domestic appliances. Brettina wiped down the bar in front of him. "I'm afraid that was last orders so I can't get you another water" she smiled. "Oh". "That was a joke". "I know". Brettina didn't know what was attracting her to this stranger but she knew she was too tired to do anything about it. Jacoreb knew the art of seduction. He did. He knew he did. He knew everything.

Brettina showed him to his room. She soon found herself following his lead. Jacoreb pretended not to know she hadn't had time to change the sheets. "If you need anything the manager sleeps round the corner". Brettina gestured vaguely round the nearest corner. " If you're not doing anything tomorrow" she continued " then maybe you could come round for tea, I mean its my day off, and you seem nice, and on your own, not that you don't have friends." "Yes" he replied. He didn't quite know what to say. She smiled sweetly. Like honey. On a waffle. "I can write my address down for you if you don't know it.". Flat 6, Wasdell Mansion, Fropit Crescent. Next to the lime tree and the brothel. Opposite the appliance store. "That would be.....nice". It was quickly scribbled on the back of the nearest courtesy card. She had very graceful writing. "I'll see you soon". "Yes".

It was a nice journey. The trees were green. This was always a good start. The birds were most agreeable because of it. Jacoreb had spent the rest of his evening trying to come to terms with his feelings. He knew what she was thinking. Well he thought he did. At the very least he knew all the things she said. Most of them had been right. Some were even nice. He had surprised himself as usually he doesn't listen. He doesn't like girls. He knows that. Give me a well-manufactured whisk anyday. But, he didn't know why he had come all this way. Maybe it had been for the appliance store after all. Maybe even the lime tree. If so then he couldn't work out why he was knocking on her door. "Hi, I hoped you'd come". "I knew I would" Jacoreb replied.

They chatted over two cups of tea. Brettina continually sipped at hers. Jacoreb left his well alone. He knew where it had been. Actually, Brettina did most of the talking. Jacoreb had seemed to her to be listening intently so she saw no reason to stop. He was listening. He was also thinking lots. He liked feelings. He didn't really know much about them, but he liked them. He thought some more.

For a while Brettina thought he was fantasising about something. He tended to 'hmmm' a lot and laugh to himself whilst she was talking about the most mundane things. She hoped he was fantasising about her. Most men she knew did. She liked that. Sort of. She often got worried if men didn't seem interested. Jacoreb seemed nice enough. He didn't seem to have the art of conversation sorted though. She'd stopped talking completely for a bit. He hadn't noticed. Oh well, he's only young and he's got a lot to learn.

"Do you know much about the Eastern Hemisphere?" Brettina asked. This was the first real question she'd asked of him. A smile had been slowly forming across his face over the last twenty minutes. She had hitched her skirt down a couple of times as she felt she might be showing herself again. She hadn't intended to do that for at least another hour.
"Do you?" she tried again. "Sorry....what?". "Do you know much about this region?". "No....do you?". "A bit.". There was a pause. Quite a long one. Probably about 12 or 13 seconds.

"Tell me then" he said and reached for his tea despite knowing where it had come from. "Well....." Brettina leant across to grab her tea as well. It was her favourite move as she knew he could see her bosom, but only momentarily. As she did so he softly slipped his hand on to her knee. He thought it might work, he didn't know for sure. At first she seemed taken aback but then she smiled. Jacoreb smiled too, inwardly. All of a sudden he felt very light. So he exhaled. It didn't seem to make much of a difference. He didn't know what was going on. Which was good.

The end

copyright c)2001 Matthew Coxon

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